The Zodiac Wheel: Why Ophiuchus will never be the “13th sign”

This blog post it dedicated to all the dudebros I’ve ignored before.

Hey dudebros, astrology is real whether you believe it or not. The ocean swells and sways with the moon, and so shall we. The stars may not fall for man, but man moves with the stars. Ok, but less whimsically, the moon controls every body of water in our world including the blood in our bodies. You really can’t deny that the planets impact us.


Every few years some under researched buzzfeed article comes out claiming that all of our zodiac signs are inncorrect because, gasp, our place in the Unniverse shifts a tiny amount every 70ish years. As-fucking-if every astrologer to ever exist doesn’t already know this fact… I love it when patriarchal society assumes that a feminine dominated study must not be based in any real facts or studies. So cool. So hip. Let’s keep it up forever.

Let me blow ya mind for a few minutes here: The zodiac signs will never change because of something called the zodiac wheel.

This thing was recorded and created many many moons ago, long before anyone wrote a book about a dude with really great hair and cool sandles. You see, the constellations are merely the namesakes for 30 degree segments of this giant 360 degree pie in the sky. Capricorn was probably far away from the sun on January 10th 1991 when I came out like a hot buttered turkey from my mothers poor, hardworking vagina… and yet, I am indeed a Capricorn sun.

So the Zodiac wheel is a giant circle that surrounds the Earth and, like any circle, it is 360 degrees. This is why we have 12 signs, because the zodiac wheel can easily be divided into 12 sections of 30 degrees. The 12 sections were merely named after some of those constellations in the sky. 

Thousands of years ago I’m sure the placements of the constellations were, at that time, more in line with their namesakes on the zodiac wheel. The thing is, even the astrologists back then knew that the constellations would rotate and leave their places in the zodiac wheel. That’s because you can’t really be an astrologist without being an astronomer as well. 

So there you have it folks, there can never be a 13th sign. Your sun sign will never change, it’s basic geometry. And thank goddess, because who wants to have an Ophiuchus moon?

Before I leave you I would just like to say that we have free will and are in control of our own lives. Astrology is not meant to pigeon hold you to an indentity, it’s not a cage you must live your days out inside of, slowly rotting away. It is a tool for discovery, understanding, and self love. So at the end of the day, if the dudebros still want to tell me that Ophuchus is the 13th sign I will smile and say OK.

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