How to Manifest Like a Boss Witch

Alright, we’ve heard about it maybe a million times from chicks on intagram with *crystal mama* in their bios, but what the fuck even is manifestation.

Well, that’s the thing, to explain it in words is simple af, but to truly understand the concept is a long and complicated journey. However, I love to teach, and I really love to teach esoteric topics to the less than esoteric individual. So, in the words of the magnanimous Strong Bad, let’s get this train wreck a-rollin’.

Manifestation is the art and practice of creating your reality through the vibrations of your thoughts. Simply put, ask and ye shall receive.

So Manifestation is when you concentrate really hard on a goal, so much so that you bring it into reality. Physics calls this the law of attraction and spiritualists call it magick, but it is the idea that your mind has the ability to influence the world around you.

Ok, but how do you do it? 

Maybe you’ve spent years dreaming about the beach shack you want to live in on the island of Maui where you can sell trinkets on the streets of Lahaina. And maybe you want this future so badly that you shake with emotion, and yet you’re still land locked working a 9-5 that you hate, so manifestation must be bullshit, right? Wrong.

I recently started focusing more on manifestation because, financially speaking, my world was in shambles a few months ago (and still kinda is tbh). I wanted more money and I wanted a friend that was on a similar siritual path to me, and so I turned to manifestation. Pretty quickly I was able to manifest, not one, but two new friends, and as a 27 year old adult woman that is no easy feat. And yet they came, within 2 days of the manifestation meditation that I did. I was sold!

There was just one problem, I couldn’t manifest money. I kept trying but nothing was happening. What was I doing wrong? Why did the universe hate me all of a sudden? Was it because I cut my hair? Here’s what I found that helped me get past this block (I’m still waiting on the $10,000 check but I’m in no hurry, life is abundant af right now. Things come when they are supposed to).

Visualize: This is Manifestation 101. You have to be able to see your goal come to fruition. You have to be clear with your intention. What everyone doesn’t tell you though, is that your visualization has to be in first person view. Yup, you gotta work in POV to get the proper vibes flowing into the universe. If you are above yourself, watching the visualization, you are only telling your mind a story, not creating your reality. This is harder than you may think, it’s going to take some practice but it’ll be worth it. Try holding an object or walking outside, then close your eyes and recreate the experience in your mind. This little exercise will help to create more realistic visualizations and get quicker manifestations.

Feel: Besides seeing this new reality, you have to feel the feelings that will come with it. When we manifest we are generally manifesting something tangible, however, this tangible thing is being manifested in order to give you a feeling. I want more money in my life because I want to feel secure and more free, so when I visualize (from my POV) I have to create those feelings deep down inside of myself in order to bring them to fruition. This, surprisingly, is much harder for me when I am stoned…

Love the fuck out of yourself: Look, this one is the hardest, but you’re not gonna get jack shit from the universe until you feel a deep love for yourself. You need to know that you deserve what you are asking for. I won’t lie, I’ve been working on self love for a few years now and I’m finally at the place where I truly love myself. You know the term fake it til you make it? Yeah, that’s what you’re going to need to adopt real quick. Affirmations, shadow work, yoga, and EFT (emotional freedom tapping) are some of the biggest tools you can use to help you here. Regardless of manifestation, this is the most important and nobel thing you can embark to do in this life. I cannot suggest it enough. Love yourself defiantly and with vigor.

Fucking believe it: For this one you need to understand that time is a man made construct and that time is not linear at all. This is because, to manifest, you need to realize that you already have it. Sure, you’re not that person who has that dream job yet, but that person exists at this very moment. You have to manifest in the present tense. you have to believe that you have it right now. Repeat the manifestation in the present tense until you feel it in your bones.

Don’t trip: If you are worried, if the voices in your head doubt that the thing you are manifesting is actually on its way to you, it won’t come. The universe will not bring it to you, dude, unless you know it (already) exists without a doubt.If you are feeling worried, go back up to tip number 3 and find out why you think you don’t deserve this thing. I know that for me and money manifestation, I had a lot of baggage that I am still working through, I felt (and feel) very angry towards money. I held onto a lot of anger about how is destroying our planet without realizing that it’s not money’s fault, it’s the people in power. I digress… This step gets easier as you get better at manifestation because once the gifts of the universe start rolling in, the inklings of doubt start to melt away like the polar ice caps.

Be grateful: The Law of Attraction is that like attracts like, so if you want good vibes in your life you have to be a good fucking vibe. The easiest way to do this is to be grateful. The best way to build up your grateful muscle is to practice it. Everyday write down a few things you are grateful for, big and small, stupid and silly, whatever. The more in the habit your get with gratitude the more you relaize that there is so much to be grateful for. Bonus points if you can convince yourself to be grateful for the things that irk you. For instance, lets go with the easy example of work since pretty much everyone hates their job in some way shape or form. Say to yourself, “I’m happy to be at work because it helps me pay my bills and keeps me off of the streets.” Say it everyday (and in different ways) until you feel it deep in your soul. If you can be grateful for every breath, you can manifest what the fuck ever you want.

Well there you have it folks, my 6 hard and fast tips to manifesting your dream life. Happy manifesting, Spritual Sister Friends! Sister is gender neutral. Also, gender is a man made construct.

Alright that’s all folks! Go vegan and goodnight!

Want a numerology or tarot reading to help fix your entire fucking life? Email ya girl.

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