The Court Cards As Drunks

The court cards are the people of the tarot deck. Most of the time they represent you in a reading, but sometimes they represent your mom, your boss, or that person you always pass on your walk to work but never talk to. Court cards can be a powerful tool to help get a look at how we present ourselves and how we interact socially with the world.

The cards are split up into four suits: pentacles, cups, swords, and wands. The titles of the suits change a bit from deck to deck, but they represent earth, water, air, and fire, respectively. In a deck of playing cards the suits function exactly the same with diamonds pertaining to earth, hearts as water, spades as air, and clubs as fire. And yes, you can totally read tarot with a deck of playing cards. Albeit, a tarot deck has 78 cards and play cards only come with 52. I digress…

So, much like playing cards, each suit has a few court cards. We can all recognize these in a playing deck as jacks, queens, and kings. In tarot we have 4 court cards for each suit which are pages, knights, queens, and kings. Once again this changes from deck to deck, and there are even non binary or gendered decks that you can work with! 2018 is pretty awesome.

It is a universal truth that the best way to get to know a stranger is to share a few drunks with them, so what better way to get to know these cards than to imagine them on a night out? Read on. to. findd outt wwhat kind oof ssloppy messes thhesse cards devolve into as teh sshots flow aand tthe clocck strikes 1.


Page of Pentacles this is the friend that throws up at the pregame and then gets tucked into bed before the ubers even arrive. They were definitely the most excited to go out, too! Well, obviously, it’s always the one who is too excited that ends up 3am drunk at 10pm.

Knight of Pentacles is going to force you to leave at 11:30 pm because they needto eat something before going home to bed. They will be unsufferable until you feed them and run the risk of going full Audrey 2, (this is a Little Shop of Horrors joke) feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeee (I’ll go fuck off with my niche musical theatre joke now bye) (know your brand).

Queen of Pentacles will still be sober enough to call the uber when it’s time to head home. Not only that, but they plan it out so that the postmates arrives at the house at the same time as you guys do. This friend is the one who takes anyone home that can’t last the whole night.Coincidentally, they were also the one who put the Page of Pentacles to bed earlier in the night.

King of Pentacles is the friend that you always invite out, but they rarely actually go out. They would usually rather stay in bed and watch everyone’s instagram stories of the night while they get a cool 8 hours of sleep before a day of errands and a yoga class at 9am that they just can’t miss. However, when this friend does go out they are the life of the party! They buy rounds of shots, make all the friends, andget the best picture for instagram. They will have a hangover for 4 days, but it’ll be worth it.

Page of Cups will cry at some point during the night. This is your friend who is usually pretty quiet and sweet but as soon as they get drunk the flood gates are open. What are they crying about? No one really knows, not even them, but that won’t stop them from being inconsolible. Don’t worry, the Queen of Cups will take care of them.

Knight of Cups falls in love with someone every fucking time they go out. Seriously, don’t plan on actually hanging out with this person because they are in the corner of the bar falling in love with someone who’s name they won’t remember in the morning.

Queen of Cups gets stuck in the bathroom giving emotional support to all the women in there. They will give a compliment to every woman they see, even breaking off mid sentence to crane their neck and compliment the shoes of the person who just passed by. They are the nicest, sweetest angel bb when they are drunk; they just want everyone to be happy and feel loved!

King of Cups left without saying anything to anyone and is at the park across the street staring at the stars and remembering their past lives. 9/10 they usually end up letting a transient tell them their whole life’s story.

Page of Swords this is the friend who orchestrates grandiois plans while drunk. They have a million tabs up on their phone and probably bought a plane ticket to somewhere. They are also the friend that leaves themselves drunk voice memos of all the millioin dollar ideas they have that never come to fruition. You’ll plan to go to the gym together the next day, as if anyone has ever actually done that.

Knight of Swords this is the social butterfly. They are floating around talking to everyone and their mother, and that’s because they can literally talk about anything. They have infinite random knowledge on a multitude of topics. This is also the friend that you want to spend the night at your house afterwards because they know all the gossip the next day. Nothing is better for a hangover than lying in bed and laughing with a friend the next morning.

Queen of Swords this is the friend that already knows 12 people in the bar and one of them is like their second cousin and was definitely maybe at their baptism, but it’s fine he’s totally cool and he just bought us a round of shots. Actually, people just keep buying this person shots, it’s like a never ending fountain of liquor. Despite their charm, this is the friend that is likely to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and get into a stupid verbal disagreement with another bar goer.

King of Swords this is your weird friend, the one you have to explain to your other friends before you bring them around. you love them, but they are not everyone’s cup of tea. They are kind of a lot and not super friendly, but they are usually down to talk about aliens.

Page of Wands this is your friend who always ends up dancing on the bar or somehow getting a group of strangers to chant their name. This is the friend you bring out when you just want to have a fucken good time. No one has more fun than the page of wands. They are also the most likely to pull a stupid prank that goes totally awry and gets you 86’d from the bar.

Knight of Wands will leave the bar and steal a road sign because someone dared them to. This is the friend who has for sure been arrested at least once before when they were drunk. They’re a blast but also a security hazzard. This is the friend you are also probably most likely to make out with when you are drunk. Hey, what good is a friend if you can’t make out with them on occasion?

Queen of Wands is out on the town to dance and flirt, both of which they are excellent at. This is the most attractive friend that you have. They always look killer and everyone falls in love with them. They certainly light up a room when they walk in, but will also go from charming angel to pitbull in 0.5 seconds if anyone tries to mess with one of their friends.

King of Wands this is your friend who gets into a political debate every time they get drunk. They always win said debate and make friends with the person they were debating with, that’s how charming they are. They are literally so fucking charming, it’s painful. They will always be down to play a stupid bar game because they are inexplicably good at everything. 9/10 will go home with the hottest person in the bar.


I’m both the Knight of Wands and Queen of Cups. To be honest, I’m turning more and more into the King of Pentacles day by day and I am actually super ok with that. I mean, a Knight of Wands kind of drunk is a lot to handle… I need to retire that guy from my life.

Tell me which one sounds like you! And to book a reading with me click here.

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